Q: I have a good friend and colleague who is 10 years my junior. Whenever we are in a forum together, he introduces me and says, “here is my colleague who is 82 and currently working on this important project, etc.” I am female, love my work and am beginning to feel like Exhibit A. I am not sure if his comment is ageist or if he is just concerned about his own age. As a woman, I wonder if he would introduce a male colleague in the same way. Am I being too sensitive? Should I bring this to his attention? I don’t want to ruin the relationship. D.D.
A: Although we have made great strides since the women’s movement, age and gender-based stereotypes still exist. Some older women may be frail, lonely and vulnerable, but certainly not all. One thing we have learned about aging is that each person ages differently.
Let’s begin by trying to understand why your colleague insists on mentioning your age. He could be using your age and activities as a benchmark for himself. He might be thinking, “if “she can accomplish X at her age, so can I.” He also might look at you as a role model indicating here is an 82-year-old woman who is working and productive.
So, what is it about being older women that seems so shocking? Why should an accomplished older woman be considered exceptional? It’s when her activities, achievements as well as her physical and cognitive capacities bump heads with age-gender stereotypes. Here are a few examples.
Older women are not tech savvy. Not true. Older women master the GPS in their cars, sell items on eBay and are embracing technology. A Pew Research Center found that adults ages 60 and older spend more than half of their daily leisure time on their TVs, computers, tablets or other electronic devices. In 2000, 14 percent of those ages 65 and older were internet users; more recently it is 73 percent.
Older women are physically weak. Men have more muscle mass than women and post-menopausal women have higher risk of developing osteoporosis that can lead to bone fractures. That does not mean older women are necessarily weak. Strength training that builds muscle mass can have positive results at any age, including older age. Recall we had the first woman marathon runner in 1984. We’ve come a long way.
Older women are helpless and needy. Perhaps some are, but certainly not all. We know that older women are part of a generation of encore entrepreneurs which are older adults starting their own businesses, they are in elected political offices, in the arts, science, entertainment and more.
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Older women (and men too) are just too sensitive. Again, perhaps some are, but certainly not all. Ageism has become normalized in our society, particularly in our language. A response to ageist remarks may be interpreted as being be too sensitive. Note, we tend to say things about older adults that we would never say about another marginalized groups. Words and images matter. For example, the term “anti-aging” suggests that aging is a negative, to be avoided and sometimes at all costs. Birthday cards with an image of an older adult in a diaper or poking fun at older adults having sex just amplifies the stereotypes. Yes, there is a fine line between humor and ageism. That’s another discussion.
Regarding sensitivity, we have become increasingly aware of what is called micro- aggressions. These are every day, subtle, intentional — and often unintentional — interactions or behaviors that convey a bias toward historically marginalized groups. These can occur against race, gender, ethnicity and more. Age falls into that category. One might argue that the consistent mentioning of your age is a microaggression if your colleague is sending this message: “Wow – despite her being old, look what she is doing.” He also may be referencing you as a role model for others sending the message, “if she can do it, so can you.”
If you have a conversation with your colleague, you might just ask why he continues to mention your age. You may find that his intention is simply to compliment you.
Whether he would introduce a male colleague of the same age in the same way is difficult to answer. Perhaps our readers would like to weigh on that one.
Thank you D.D. for your good question and raising our awareness about age-based comments as possible microaggressions. It all depends on the intention of the speaker and how the words are received by the recipient. Best wishes to you in continuing to do what you love to do. Be well and of course, be kind to yourself and others.
Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging, employment and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulagingCommunity
"colleague" - Google News
August 15, 2021 at 09:55PM
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Why does this person mention my age every time he introduces me? - LA Daily News
"colleague" - Google News
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