A 29-year-old woman on Reddit has been urged to leave her husband, also 29, after four years together. She described a situation with a married female colleague of her husband, 36, one of which she thought: "Something didn't feel right at all."
She said that she learned about this colleague three months ago, despite the fact that they had worked together for five years. She has since paid more attention to his texting habits. "[A]nd yes he does text her almost every evening and a few times a day in weekends or when he's working from home or on vacation," she said.
A study by dating site Gleeden from September 2020 found that out of 1,267 people asked, 38 percent admitted they had an affair with a colleague after getting back to the office following lockdown. Of these, 39 percent confessed a pure need for sex, 36 percent felt attracted by someone different than their partner while the remaining 25 percent said they did so to feel desired again.
When she confronted her husband about the relationship, she said: "He gave me his phone and said that they haven't been on daily contact constantly but it came in waves when she's having troubles at home. I read their conversations and it's a lot of joking around. Calling each other cute names. Her complaining about her sex life (jokingly). Her asking intimate questions about me.
"Her asking if I threw a good birthday party to him (his birthday was in on June 14th: this text stuck with me because he was texting her at the party and she answered 'you must be bored at your own party or you wouldn't be texting me instead of being with her (me).' I told him that I didn't find this back and forth texting appropriate and I considered it flirting. He was taken aback but said he would stop if it bothered me so much."
She described how a month after this incident, the texting started again, and this time the colleague came over to their home to try and prove nothing was going on. "She was very ironic and disrespectful (according to me, that's her sense of humor according to him). She was smirking and basically telling me that if I had low self-esteem and felt threatened by their friendship, it wasn't her fault. When she left I told my husband that I never wanted to see or hear anything from or about her anymore and that if he would rather have her as a friend than me as a wife, that he should say so. They stopped texting."
She then explained that the texting began again during a holiday in Santorini, in Greece, which her husband excused as the colleague asking him for advice on her "marriage problems." They ended up bumping into the woman and her husband in a restaurant when returning. She dropped their marriage problems into the casual conversation with the couple, to which "All three froze" and the woman "looked very angrily at my husband."
On the return home from the restaurant, the poster's husband revealed that he had slept with this colleague "once before he even met me. I told him that I wanted a divorce because I'm thinking they're having an affair." She then said that it had been two weeks, and she was "adamant" about her decision for a divorce. "He has tried to talk about compromise. Stop being her friend, marriage counseling and even find another job or move to another city but my guts are telling me something is very very off and that marriage shouldn't be this hard, especially this early," she said.
At-Work Affairs
It may be a cliché, but with an average of 84,365 hours in a lifetime spent at work, the workplace is one of the most common areas for extramarital relationships to occur, according to U.K.-based relationship-support site Relate.
"When people spend lots of time together, they have the chance to really get to know each other," said the website. "Work affairs often start off slowly. Working together in stressful situations can mean bonding over shared goals or through collaborating on projects. What can start off as a platonic friendship or normal working relationship can, if there's a spark of attraction, slowly become more inappropriate over time. This might just be semi-harmless flirting at first, but before long it may become clear there's something more serious behind it."
Crossing Boundaries
Users in the comments section supported the original poster's desire for a divorce, with one user questioning whether the woman was with her husband when she slept with the original poster's husband, to which she replied: "I guess so. I couldn't find when they were married while googling her and I don't want to ask my husband about it." This garnered over 3,700 likes.
One user advised, "Ask her husband. You are absolutely right, this is crossing all sorts of boundaries and he knows it otherwise you wouldn't be finding out about it now."
One user shared her own experience: "Yep! My ex of 7 yrs had a 'friend' who would always ask personal questions. Often would text him every day and when I told him about my issues with it he made it seem like I was insecure. She would often do over friendly texts and always used him as a personal diary. They're dating now lol—well began dating once I broke up with him. It's sad but things will get worse if OP doesn't leave her husband :(."
Newsweek reached out to u/ /ThrowRatheDword for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Has an infidelity broken your trust in your partner? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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