When something bad happens to a colleague, what can be done to help them feel better?
This is a difficult question to answer because every person wants different things at different times – be it empathy, problem solving, optimism or distraction.
Generally, people react to adversity in four different ways, and understanding and recognising them can be helpful in figuring out the best approach to comfort them.
Type 1: Confused or shocked
When something unexpected or negative happens, a colleague may need time to comprehend what occurred and how they feel about it. Facilitate this process by helping them to understand what happened.
The most common potential emotions include denial, dread, fear, surprise, confusion or shock – for example, a colleague comes back to work after a holiday only to be told they are being laid off.
Strategies that can be helpful include:
- Being an active listener.
- Helping to resolve confusion.
- Expressing concern.
- Validating their confusion.
- Letting them know one understands what they are saying.
Type 2: Feeling bad and not ready to feel better
When a person is feeling heavy negative emotions, they often want to ride it out. Take for example the colleague who lost their job. They likely want to be sad or disappointed about it for a while.
When someone is stressed out at work, it might only be momentary because that feeling of frustration is necessary for that particular moment.
The most common emotions include jealousy, guilt, contempt, anger, anxiety, depression or sadness.
A colleague who is forced to work overtime, for example, would likely feel frustrated about the extra time spent at work.
Strategies that can be helpful include:
- Being an active listener.
- Empathy.
- Reflecting to the colleague an understanding of what they have said.
- Helping them get into a mindset in which they are better prepared to cope with the situation.
Type 3: Feeling bad but wants to feel better
At some point after feeling bad for a while, people are likely to get tired of the negative feelings and wish they could feel better again. From this point, one can help alleviate the negative feelings.
The most common potential emotions are similar to Type 2, which are jealousy, guilt, contempt, anger, anxiety, depression or sadness.
For instance, a colleague recently got into an argument at the office and still feels angry but wants to feel better, move on and get back to work with full focus.
There are ways to help this colleague, such as:
- Being optimistic and reframing.
- Validating their emotions.
- Creating distractions – for example, getting involved in other positive activities.
- Helping them explore and understand their situation or to look at things from a different perspective.
- Problem solving, if something can be done to fix it.
Type 4: Feeling better and wanting solutions
When a colleague is feeling really bad, problem solving can be difficult and unappealing.
Once the colleague starts to feel better, they may feel motivated to find a way to improve the situation. One can be supportive in this situation by helping them think through potential solutions or by helping directly.
The common emotions are similar to Type 2 – jealousy, guilt, contempt, anger, anxiety, depression or sadness.
For instance, a colleague who is being verbally bullied by other workers in the office may feel somewhat stronger and want help to report to management together.
Strategies that can be helpful include:
- Providing advice to help solve the problem.
- Providing relevant resources to come up with a solution.
So, if a colleague is facing a difficult or bad situation, consider looking at these four distress models to determine how best to help them.
1. Confused or shocked: Help your colleague figure out what happened and process how they are feeling.
2. Feeling bad and not ready to feel better: Listen to their struggles empathetically and validate their feelings.
3. Feeling bad but wanting to feel better: Help your colleague feel better by comforting them through validation, distraction, problem solving or helping them explore and understand their feelings.
4. Feeling better and desiring solutions: Help them figure out the next best course of action.
This article first appeared in jobstore.com
Jobstore is an online job site that specialises in providing jobseekers with the latest job opportunities by matching talented individuals with reputable companies in Malaysia. Find your dream job with over 40,000 job vacancies in Malaysia.
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